Two-year curse? Seven year itch? We've all heard about the sexual slumps that might happen in long-term relationships, and many people have also has this experience. Many couples who have been together a long time have most likely experienced a period when sex just isn’t as exciting as it was before or perhaps became a bit too routine or boring. So how do you reinvent your sexual relationship to bring back those feelings of excitement and desire?

 

1. Talk about it 

Study after study has found that couples who talk about sex actually have more sex. Sharing desires, fantasies and feeling comfortable to tell one’s partner what works for them in bed means more sex. Most couples don't talk about sex - they just do it - and most people are embarrassed by the topic of sex. Talking about sex can only enhance your relationship and is only embarrassing because of your own perceptions of it, so talking can actually lead to a total change of the type of sex you’re are having. 

 

2. Get back to basics 

Remember kissing when you were a teenager? Remember making out for hours? Now I'm not suggesting you spend hours on end kissing, but I am suggesting that you get back to basics and do things you've probably forgotten to spend time on, like kissing! Many couples focus only on what happens after penetration. So why not focus on doing things that you did when you first met?  Go on dates, make an effort to dress up and spoil each other, flirt and compliment each other. You'd be surprised what a big difference these small changes can make.

 

3. Pleasure not performance 

Getting back to basics can help you shift your sexual focus from performance to pleasure. Most people are performance focused (goal-orientated) and so sex is only about the outcome. Sex like this can become frustrating, one-sided and pressurising. As soon as someone feels pressured during sex, they are unlikely to be able to enjoy the experience or to perform. If sex feels like this, put a ban on sex for a week a month and spend that week touching and teasing each other in ways that don't include sexual intercourse. Think erotic massages, strip teases, bathing or showering together, oral sex, kissing like teenagers etc.

 

4. Don't be too serious 

For something that is supposed to be so natural to us as humans, sex can be a lot of hard work! If you can talk about sex, don't let it get to rock bottom before you talk about it. Think about an experience you both really enjoyed, or a time when sex was really fun and satisfying. Remind each other of what you have had talk about how you can make a change to the current experience you're sharing.

 

5.  Try something new

Why not reinvent or redefine the way you approach sex - both in the way you communicate about it and the way you have it. You don't need whips and chains to redefine your sex life either. All it takes is a few simple changes: talk about sex (your desires, fantasies and what turns you on), shift your focus to pleasure and redefine what you want to get from sex, stop pressuring yourself or your partner, and explore something that you might have been interested in (watch porn together, use a toy, try a new position or have sex in a new room).