Sexually, women tend to be misunderstood compared to their male counterparts. There seems to be more said about men’s sexual experiences than women’s. When it comes to sex, every woman is unique and prefers something different in between the sheets. And the idea of ‘normal’ should be forgotten; rather focusing on what feels right for her and what she likes. And so with mother’s day just around the corner, it seemed like a great time to debunk some myths about women’s sexuality.

1. A woman needs to focus on pleasuring her partner
This is a big problem for almost everyone and a major myth I have to debunk when couples come to see me. So much of our sexual experience is spent focusing on our partner and making sure we’re pleasuring them; physically through what we do during sex or psychologically by how we seem to be enjoying ourselves. By doing this, we completely lose out on being truly satisfied and experience maximum pleasure. I will suggest that people be selfish during sex at least half the time. It’s important to really take on the idea that we are all responsible for our own sexual pleasure, so rather focus on the sensations you feel in your body and mind, and not on how your partner is feeling or seeming.

2. Women should orgasm during sex… almost always
This is the most common myth I have to bust with clients! Although women have the only organ of any living creature’s body (the clitoris) that’s simple function is sexual pleasure, we do have a much tougher time in bed with a partner when it comes to reaching orgasm. Roughly 81% of women will not climax during sexual intercourse. Why you ask? Well there are numerous reasons, but the top reasons could include inadequate stimulation of the clitoris, negative emotions towards their partner, previous sexual trauma, or the inability to let go during sex. Sadly many men seem to believe that all women can have an orgasm during sex, and will tell their current partners “they haven’t experienced this ‘problem’ before.”

The most important take home here is this: Not climaxing during sexual intercourse is normal ladies! Nearly all women need clitoral stimulation, so either use your hands or a little bullet vibrator to get the extra pleasure you need.

3. Fantasising is bad!
Our biggest sex organ is actually our brain, but sadly our brains can also have a very negative effect on our sexual experience overall. We so often get consumed by our emotions during sex (for example, we get anxious/ worried about him/ her, what we might look like, how we smell down there etc.), and this it completely detracts from our sexual pleasure. Engaging your brain in a sex-positive way means thinking about something that turns you on…even if this isn’t your partner! Fantasy and images are safe safe and there is nothing wrong with engaging in something imaginary that will enhance our sexual experience. It’s only going to bring you more pleasure, which will in turn bring your partner satisfaction. Give yourself permission to use your brain to enhance sex.

4. My mind say yes to sex but my body says no
Unfortunately, around 90% of women experience something called non-concordance during sex. This means that the mind and body are not on board with one another. Physical arousal doesn’t mean you want to have sex, and not being physically aroused doesn’t indicate your lack of interest in sex either! If you want to have sex, but your body is slow off the starting blocks, slow things down and focus on touch and sensuality before getting stuck into sexual intercourse. Allow your body time to catch up. Use some lubricant, focus on touching that excites you, and let concordance happen.